Thursday, August 27, 2009

To kurt da

Well its rather been a strange day.My stomach feels as it were to have Swine Flue.I actually came at 09.30 A.m in office and started working immediately :O.To add to that the lunch happened on time..
Started listening to Nirvana after lunch.Use to hate Kurt Cobain till late because the world praised him more for his Suicide than his music which is astounding. Some how started connecting to a few songs of late.

Then came across his suicide note on google and many thoughts crept across my mind and are stiill creeping as I hear "Smells like Teen spirit".

Here is the Suicide note :
To Boddah:

Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand.

All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community had proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things.

For example, when we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begin, it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun.

Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do, God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.

On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know!

I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what I used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become.

I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much, I guess.

Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away.

Peace, love, empathy,

Kurt Cobain

Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar.
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.
For her life, which will be so much happier without me.

I love you, I love you!

Well i like churning my ideas when it comes to conspiracy theories.

And one of the story says his wife murdered him....

One final Thought I get is :A mind never stops pondering :)

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Ants Crisis

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.

Come winter, the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

*Indian Version:**

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.
The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.
Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving..

NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering
Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house.*
Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter.
Mayawati states this as `injustice' done on Minorities.
Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.

The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) .

Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for ' Bengal Bandh' in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.
CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers.
Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.

Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the ' Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act' [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter.
Arjun Singh makes 'Special Reservation ' for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions & in Government Services.

The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, it's home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.

Arundhati Roy calls it ' A Triumph of Justice'.
Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice '.
CPM calls it the ' Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden '
Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly. **

Many years later....**

The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley , 100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India ,
As a result of loosing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the grasshoppers,

Monday, February 2, 2009

Working life Crisis

Its 2.30 p.m on a dull Monday afternoon I am sitting in a training room in office. The trainer tries cracking some silly technical jokes im in no mood to even listen to it....the taste of "Kheer" i had during Lunch is just not ready to leave my poor of em are either half numb and asleep or checking there personal mails....
Suddenly i realise its the first time im actually trying to write down something in my notepad since the training i had 1.5 years back......Goshhh its been 1.5 years....
Yess i am a 1.5 years baby(makes me feel ackward while writing this...considering physical dimensions) in this much hyped and glitteratti Software world.When allmost everone around joined core industry ,I made an exit and joined this organisation...

Awww was the first reaction after seeing the plush inetrior and the kind off arrangment to sit... I mean what else a fresher like me would ask for ...24/7 uncontrolled inetrnet own pair of really cool i ball headphones..Hetfield screaming in my ears....uhh I am on a roll…

But this "Aww" settled much earlier than i expected...much to my surprise...and was struck by the typical "service oriented" Mentality "2 idhar jo bhi karega uske liye u hav tooo. Ask for a task" first few words my TL said to me......"TL" another of the many infamous jargons that this industry has literally grounded me ..spclly wen it comes to taking a leave u ll hav to mail ur TL,PL..bla bla bla...

The first project who forgets it ...the first few handful lines of really nervous code written by shaky hinds....and your eyes not ready to get off the screen when code review is on……..howsoever a pleasing object passes by saying Hi to u on your Workstation..Goshh submission during engg was the easiest thing to do i felt......

3 months gone.......a scene from typical morning:
I am checking out to chck wheteher Arsenal had moved up the points table...
Pat !! Pat!!!
Manager: So alok( a big fatso typical managerial look)
Alok:Hi good morning...
Manager:Whats up? (Extremely Tricky)
Alok: Majjet!!!!!!!!!!
Architect and Manager looking at each other and smiling....

Some how got introduced to newish concept of "Chain Mails" and was completely taken aback by the hugeeeeee influence it has on newly joined people like me...
I could still recollect when a bunch of us would meet and someone wont turn up people saying " pan ti kal chain madhe mhananleli yanare mhanun""aaga pan kal ratri chat war ti mhanala ki aapan aaj ratri yahoo war conference karu aani tikda boluyat"....
OOPS!!..shud I be saying TECHNOLOGY ROCKS!!!..
Being a typical engg guy i had given my GRE and was thinking seriously about Post Graduation.."M.S karayla kai harkat nai" i said...
made a few apps got a couple of admits..Hurray!!!...i said..but the only thing i heard was layoffs form the ole Uncle Sams land....breaking records of all sorts as the days passed…
hmmmm now its allmost a year and half….i hate to chat late in the nites…”So many around me notoriously call me “Uncle also” ..

“Alok !! Alok!! Kya kar raha hai……”
”Kuch nai asihe likh raha hu rahe tp”
”Be break ho gaya..chal tera favourite lemon Teapite hai”
Off I am for a cuppa of lemon Tea in the hope of waking me up…